What are You Doing

While most of us use some sort of computer every day, you may be too busy tuning your Solaris box (olwm 4 lyfe) to have tried out some of the newer operating systems, like Windows and Linux. Below are some of my findings and recommendations. They are based on years of experience and should educate you perfectly.

Acquisition

Windows

To get Windows, go to a computer store and buy a computer. Always check the box to make sure it comes with Windows, though. Once you’ve made your choice, the sales lady may ask if there is anything else you “need”. Turn and pretend you didn’t hear her, otherwise you will turn into her pawn and probably buy a “modem”.

Linux

You can find Linux in the frozen foods section of most grocery stores for relatively cheap. A family-size pack is not necessary, but any leftovers can be useful, especially if you’re going to be doing the installation on a weekend.

Installation

Windows

Whether you choose to buy the OS and install it yourself, or you bought a laptop with Windows already on it, there will be some setup required. You brought at least two decks of playing cards, right? Good.

Your object will be to create card totals that are higher than the dealer’s hand, but no more than 21. On your turn, you have the option to take a card (“hit”), end your turn (“stand”), or a bunch of other stuff, but just do one of those two. The point total for each card is determined by the number of eyes on the card.

Also, near the end, make sure to choose a good user picture, like that one where you’re wearing sweet sunglasses.

Linux

This part is self-explanatory.

Daily Use

Windows

Windows comes with most of the stuff you need on it already. A photo viewer, a Start Menu, a Beating Heart, and the Update-TypeData PowerShell cmdlet. You might have to install Flash, I guess.

Linux

Linux probably comes with too much stuff (you can uninstall the whales right off the bat) but it’s still just as snappy as Windows so that’s really not a problem. To play any form of media, you’ll have to kidnap Clint Eastwood and ask him nicely to act it out.

Clocks

Windows

It has a clock!

Linux

It has a clock!

Support

Windows

Windows support is obtained by dialing 1-800-MIC-ROSO (probably) and asking your question to the person that answers. If a robot answers, it will be running Windows and should at least be able to tell you what time it is.

Linux

Check the pocket of your Linux computer for support information. There should be a slip of paper saying INSPECTED BY #12 or something similar. Contact the person associated with the specified number to obtain consumer-grade support. Enterprise support is available for an additional fee and comes with more slips of paper.

Final Thoughts

They, uh, they both seem fine. If I were building a house, I would not be sure which operating system to pick since it would seem irrelevant, but I would probably be happy with either one in the end. I hope this was so helpful.